Understanding the six pillars of self-esteem
Self-esteem is one of those phrases that often pops up in conversations – whether referring to children who tend to be withdrawn, or friends who are unable to set clear boundaries and do not have much faith in their self-worth. But even though this phrase is tossed around, it refers to something much deeper than you may be aware of.
Nathaniel Branden, a psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem, said that self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in the efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think… to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is also the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment – happiness – are right and natural for us. He developed what is known as the six pillars of self-esteem and argued that self-esteem is a human psychological need. If this need is unmet, it can lead to many pathologies, such as defensiveness, depression, relationship difficulties and anxiety.
Understanding this, will help you to gauge the importance of self-esteem to each and every individual – we can also understand what dangers may lurk when self-esteem is low or missing.
The six pillars of self-esteem
There are six practices that are thought to be essential for the nurturing and sustaining of healthy self-esteem. They are the practices of:
This is essentially the practice of mindfulness – being aware of what you are doing, while you are doing it. It includes being open to information, knowledge, constructive criticism; and trying to understand both the external world around you, as well as your inner world, in order to become self-aware.
Acceptance of yourself is about owning and experiencing your thoughts, feelings and actions, and about reflecting on them objectively, without endorsement or condonement. It is an objective account of oneself, not judgement.
Realising and accepting that you are the author of your choices and actions, of your life and the attainment of your goals. This is not about blaming someone, but rather about understanding what needs to be done and doing it. It is about taking responsibility for your life and the path you are forging for yourself.
This is as much about authenticity as it is about standing up for yourself. It refers to being true to yourself in your dealings with other people, respecting yourself and others, and not changing who you are to gain acceptance or approval - to be willing to stand up for yourself and your ideas, values and beliefs.
Identifying your short and long-term goals, and implementing action plans in order to attain them. It includes monitoring your progress towards those goals and determining whether or not you are on the right path, or if you need to adjust your course.
Your actions and behaviour should resemble the beliefs and values you claim to hold true.
Building self-esteem
These six pillars are like the foundation of the structure – you. They highlight how every aspect of your life has the possibility to contribute to your self-esteem, or lack thereof. By being aware of your reality and your surroundings, you can nurture and support your self-esteem. It develops through your dealings with others and through the ways in which you conduct yourself, through self-reflection and awareness, and by staying true to what you believe. So, while it is great to wake up in the morning and repeat positive affirmations to yourself, self-esteem is something that is cultivated, earned – you have to work to build and increase your self-esteem. It is not simply about feeling positive about yourself, being overly confident, or achieving a lot. It is about respect for yourself, for others, for the world around you, and how you operate within these inter-relationships. The six pillars can be taught, but to integrate them into your daily life and sustain them is up to you – this is where the work is, but also where the results will be reaped.
Start your online therapy journey
Our qualified psychologists can help you to make the changes you need in your life to raise your self-awareness and increase your self-esteem. Select the therapist that is right for you.
Start now
If you enjoyed this article, you might also be interested in Things you should know about self-esteem.
Nathaniel Branden, a psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem, said that self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in the efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think… to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is also the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment – happiness – are right and natural for us. He developed what is known as the six pillars of self-esteem and argued that self-esteem is a human psychological need. If this need is unmet, it can lead to many pathologies, such as defensiveness, depression, relationship difficulties and anxiety.
Understanding this, will help you to gauge the importance of self-esteem to each and every individual – we can also understand what dangers may lurk when self-esteem is low or missing.
The six pillars of self-esteem
There are six practices that are thought to be essential for the nurturing and sustaining of healthy self-esteem. They are the practices of:
- Living consciously
This is essentially the practice of mindfulness – being aware of what you are doing, while you are doing it. It includes being open to information, knowledge, constructive criticism; and trying to understand both the external world around you, as well as your inner world, in order to become self-aware.
- Self-acceptance
Acceptance of yourself is about owning and experiencing your thoughts, feelings and actions, and about reflecting on them objectively, without endorsement or condonement. It is an objective account of oneself, not judgement.
- Self-responsibility
Realising and accepting that you are the author of your choices and actions, of your life and the attainment of your goals. This is not about blaming someone, but rather about understanding what needs to be done and doing it. It is about taking responsibility for your life and the path you are forging for yourself.
- Self-assertiveness
This is as much about authenticity as it is about standing up for yourself. It refers to being true to yourself in your dealings with other people, respecting yourself and others, and not changing who you are to gain acceptance or approval - to be willing to stand up for yourself and your ideas, values and beliefs.
- Living purposefully
Identifying your short and long-term goals, and implementing action plans in order to attain them. It includes monitoring your progress towards those goals and determining whether or not you are on the right path, or if you need to adjust your course.
- Personal integrity
Your actions and behaviour should resemble the beliefs and values you claim to hold true.
Building self-esteem
These six pillars are like the foundation of the structure – you. They highlight how every aspect of your life has the possibility to contribute to your self-esteem, or lack thereof. By being aware of your reality and your surroundings, you can nurture and support your self-esteem. It develops through your dealings with others and through the ways in which you conduct yourself, through self-reflection and awareness, and by staying true to what you believe. So, while it is great to wake up in the morning and repeat positive affirmations to yourself, self-esteem is something that is cultivated, earned – you have to work to build and increase your self-esteem. It is not simply about feeling positive about yourself, being overly confident, or achieving a lot. It is about respect for yourself, for others, for the world around you, and how you operate within these inter-relationships. The six pillars can be taught, but to integrate them into your daily life and sustain them is up to you – this is where the work is, but also where the results will be reaped.
Start your online therapy journey
Our qualified psychologists can help you to make the changes you need in your life to raise your self-awareness and increase your self-esteem. Select the therapist that is right for you.
Start now
If you enjoyed this article, you might also be interested in Things you should know about self-esteem.
