Breaking the ice: How to talk to your teen about therapy
10-11-2022
Regardless of how well you plan it, talking to your teen about seeing a therapist is not an easy subject to broach. From a teenager’s perspective, it does not take much to understand why they may be averse to the idea of therapy. Their bodies are changing, they are exposed to peer pressure from friends and outside influences, and they may not be entirely comfortable with themselves and may feel that something is a little off. Add to this, the pressure of having to talk with a complete stranger about issues that may be very personal for them.
So, how do you approach your teen with the idea that seeing a therapist is in their best interests? Here are some steps to help smooth the conversation and, hopefully, lead to a positive outcome.
Having this conversation with your teen can be overwhelming, but it can be equally, if not more, overwhelming for your child. Try to understand that your child has a voice too and that there is no “normal” way to react. Give him/her the space and time to talk with you about it rather than telling them what to do.
What to do if your teen refuses to see a therapist
Some teens are happy to go to therapy and enjoy talking with a trained, objective adult who can help them deal with their problems. But not all teens feel the same way about therapy, and trying to convince a reluctant teen to speak with a therapist, can feel like an uphill battle.
Should you force your teen to see a therapist?
For treatment to work, your child needs to buy into it. Forcing your child to see a therapist is not the best approach if you are after a productive outcome. He/she will be unlikely to open up about their feelings or talk about their issues. But you can make it mandatory for him/her to try at least a few sessions.
Try to understand the reasons why your child is opposed to speaking with a therapist. Some common reasons include:
Understanding why your child does not want to see a therapist will help you to tailor your approach to the subject. The issue may not get resolved in one conversation, but if you listen to your child, and understand their point of view and what is important to them, you may be able to reach a middle ground.
A skilled therapist can help your teen feel more comfortable after just a few sessions, and your child might actually enjoy the discussion with his/her therapist and find it beneficial (but they may not admit that to you).
If you feel that your teen is at risk of hurting him/herself, or someone else, then call an emergency hotline number in your local area.
Don’t give up
Remember, your child does not always know what is best for him/her. They need your guidance and support, as well as your understanding. Keep having the conversation and try to understand what your child would like to gain from the possibility of speaking with a therapist. The most important thing, is to normalise therapy. Seeing a therapist is just like having a sporting coach – someone who guides you along, formulates strategies to improve, and so on.
Start your online therapy journey
areeka web has a range of therapists who are specialised in dealing with teenage issues. Your child may feel more comfortable talking with a certified therapist online. Give it a try.
Start now
So, how do you approach your teen with the idea that seeing a therapist is in their best interests? Here are some steps to help smooth the conversation and, hopefully, lead to a positive outcome.
1. Present the subject privately and in a calm moment, not when your child is upset or after an argument. It is important to talk with your child privately, away from siblings or friends. Try to remain calm yourself and ensure that you have dealt with any uneasy feelings you may have had – your child will pick up on this.
2. Identify the problem and discuss the issue openly. Talk about the challenges you have noticed your child facing and the observable behaviour that is concerning you. This may include changes in: school work and grades, isolation and withdrawal, physical appearance, peer groups or social circles, appetite and weight loss or gain, anger outbursts, or substance abuse.
3. Destigmatise and normalise therapy. Share your own challenges and experiences with your teen to help them to understand you better and to help them to understand that everyone faces problems and challenges at different stages throughout life. The important lesson here is to show your teen that regardless of one’s age, there is no shame in seeking help. Explain what therapy is, how it works, and how it can help them.
4. Give your teen time to process the conversation and their feelings. Encourage them to ask questions. The conversation may not go the way you had planned it, and that is OK. This is a decision that takes time to accept, so you can always pick up the conversation again at a later stage now that you have laid the groundwork.
Having this conversation with your teen can be overwhelming, but it can be equally, if not more, overwhelming for your child. Try to understand that your child has a voice too and that there is no “normal” way to react. Give him/her the space and time to talk with you about it rather than telling them what to do.
What to do if your teen refuses to see a therapist
Some teens are happy to go to therapy and enjoy talking with a trained, objective adult who can help them deal with their problems. But not all teens feel the same way about therapy, and trying to convince a reluctant teen to speak with a therapist, can feel like an uphill battle.
1. Seek therapy for yourself. Parent-training can be a very effective way to help your teen. A therapist may be able to help you coach your child, as well as deal with your own emotions and challenges relating to your teen. If your child know that you are seeing a therapist to talk about them, they may be more interested in speaking with to share “their side” of the story.
2. Give your child options as to who else they could talk to if seeing a therapist is a big first step. Speak with your child’s school psychologist, or another trusted adult. Perhaps your teen might be willing to talk with the someone else they know and feel comfortable with rather than someone they do not know.
3. Create a deal with your child – propose that he/she speaks with a therapist for a number of sessions to see how it makes them feel before making the final decision.
4. Consider online therapy. Sometimes, teens who will not speak with someone face-to-face may certainly consider talking with a therapist online. There are many benefits to online therapy, most of which your teen might be open to. Some of the benefits include: talking with their therapist from the privacy and comfort of their own room, or anywhere else they feel comfortable, they do not have to commute with their parents to an office in order to begin the session, and they can choose to have the camera on or off if they do not want to be seen.
Should you force your teen to see a therapist?
For treatment to work, your child needs to buy into it. Forcing your child to see a therapist is not the best approach if you are after a productive outcome. He/she will be unlikely to open up about their feelings or talk about their issues. But you can make it mandatory for him/her to try at least a few sessions.
Try to understand the reasons why your child is opposed to speaking with a therapist. Some common reasons include:
- They don’t think they need help
- They don’t think therapy would work
- They think getting help is embarrassing
- They feel defensive
Understanding why your child does not want to see a therapist will help you to tailor your approach to the subject. The issue may not get resolved in one conversation, but if you listen to your child, and understand their point of view and what is important to them, you may be able to reach a middle ground.
A skilled therapist can help your teen feel more comfortable after just a few sessions, and your child might actually enjoy the discussion with his/her therapist and find it beneficial (but they may not admit that to you).
If you feel that your teen is at risk of hurting him/herself, or someone else, then call an emergency hotline number in your local area.
Don’t give up
Remember, your child does not always know what is best for him/her. They need your guidance and support, as well as your understanding. Keep having the conversation and try to understand what your child would like to gain from the possibility of speaking with a therapist. The most important thing, is to normalise therapy. Seeing a therapist is just like having a sporting coach – someone who guides you along, formulates strategies to improve, and so on.
Start your online therapy journey
areeka web has a range of therapists who are specialised in dealing with teenage issues. Your child may feel more comfortable talking with a certified therapist online. Give it a try.
Start now
