Emotional intelligence – Is it more than just a trending term?
24-11-2022
You may have heard the term “emotional intelligence” dropped in conversations here and there, but have you ever stopped to think about what it actually means? How can your emotions be intelligent? Is it something we can learn?
There are numerous definitions of emotional intelligence. It can refer to the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. This ability to express and control emotions is important, but so is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others.
The concept of emotional intelligence was made popular in 1995 through psychologist Daniel Goleman’s book, “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ”. According to Goleman, it refers to how well you handle yourself and your relationships, especially in relation to four domains. They are:
As you develop the capacity to recognise and appreciate your own emotions, it will become easier to understand how others are feeling, too. Developing skills related to emotional intelligence will help to relieve anxiety, enable effective communication, help you to overcome challenges, have more empathy, and be able to diffuse conflict.
Let’s delve into each of these domains in a little more depth.
Self-awareness
This is about knowing what you are feeling, why you are feeling it, and the ability to connect to your emotions on a moment-by-moment basis. It also refers to how well you think about other people’s feelings and emotions. To be self-aware, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them. Self-awareness forms the basis for good intuition, sound decision-making, and sets the boundaries for your moral compass.
Any kind of meditative or mindfulness practice can help you heighten this skill. It involves focusing your attention on the present moment and being totally present.
Self-management
Self-management refers to handling your distressing emotions in effective ways so they do not get in the way of what you are doing. When you become overly stressed, you might switch to an impulsive mode without realising, and rational behaviours and approaches will take a back seat.
The key here is to stay emotionally present, even in the face of uncomfortable emotions. Strengthening your “stress resistance” will help you to keep your impulsive feelings and actions under control as you continue to accomplish your goals.
This involves being attune to your emotions - allowing yourself to feel the effects of a particular situation or emotion, being aware of the thoughts it leads you to – and then learning what you need to learn from them.
Here are some exercises you can try:
Every emotion has a function. This is as true of the negative emotions as it is of the positive ones. Embrace your emotions – get involved and enthused about what you are doing – align your actions with your passions.
Empathy or social awareness
A large part of emotional intelligence is being able to think about and empathise with how other people are feeling. This involves putting yourself in another person’s shoes - considering how you would respond if you were in the same situation. It also involves understanding non-verbal signals, such as body language and facial expressions. People who have strong emotional intelligence are able to consider the perspectives, experiences, and emotions of other people and use this to explain why people behave the way that they do.
Empathy allows you to build social awareness and build connections with other people. Being socially aware allows you to interpret the cues others are revealing to you and using that to respond appropriately in social situations.
Relationship management
Emotional intelligence culminates in relationship management – putting all those learned skills together into fruitful and enjoyable relationships.
By working on the skills needed to sharpen your emotional intelligence, you will realise that you can handle and tackle stressful and uncomfortable situations with more ease, while expanding your world view.
Signs of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence can be practiced in many ways in your daily life, such as:
Tips for improving your emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is essential for interpersonal communication and contributes to fulfilling relationships – with yourself and others. It is all about how emotions can work for you, and not against you. As you develop the capacity to recognise and develop your own emotions, you will find it much easier to understand how others are feeling, too. So how can you improve your emotional intelligence?
Listen
Listen to what people are trying to tell you, both verbally and non-verbally. Pay attention to body language, as it can carry a great deal of meaning. When you sense that someone is feeling a certain way, consider different factors that might be contributing to this emotion.
Empathise
Picking up on other people’s emotions is crucial, but you also need to be able to put yourself in their shoes to truly understand their point of view. You can role play this with a friend or family member by imagining how you would feel in their situation. This can help you to build an emotional understanding of a particular situation as well as develop stronger emotional skills long-term.
Reflect
Part of what forms emotional intelligence is the ability to reason with emotions. Take into consideration how your own emotions influence your decisions and behaviours, then imagine the role emotions play in the lives of those around you. Ask yourself questions such as: Why is this person feeling this way? What might be contributing to these feelings? How are your emotions different to theirs? This type of probing will allow you to reflect on your own emotions and help you to understand how others think and act.
Start your online therapy journey
Our qualified psychotherapists can help you heighten your emotional intelligence skills by becoming more self-aware and analysing your own feelings and emotions. Connect with one of them online and start your online therapy journey.
Start now
There are numerous definitions of emotional intelligence. It can refer to the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. This ability to express and control emotions is important, but so is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others.
The concept of emotional intelligence was made popular in 1995 through psychologist Daniel Goleman’s book, “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ”. According to Goleman, it refers to how well you handle yourself and your relationships, especially in relation to four domains. They are:
1. Self-awareness
2. Self-management
3. Empathy
4. Relationship management
As you develop the capacity to recognise and appreciate your own emotions, it will become easier to understand how others are feeling, too. Developing skills related to emotional intelligence will help to relieve anxiety, enable effective communication, help you to overcome challenges, have more empathy, and be able to diffuse conflict.
Let’s delve into each of these domains in a little more depth.
Self-awareness
This is about knowing what you are feeling, why you are feeling it, and the ability to connect to your emotions on a moment-by-moment basis. It also refers to how well you think about other people’s feelings and emotions. To be self-aware, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them. Self-awareness forms the basis for good intuition, sound decision-making, and sets the boundaries for your moral compass.
Any kind of meditative or mindfulness practice can help you heighten this skill. It involves focusing your attention on the present moment and being totally present.
- Try to identify the most important thing you should be doing;
- Clarify your values and revisit them daily – you may find that some of them change;
- Reflect on how you’ve felt during the day.
Self-management
Self-management refers to handling your distressing emotions in effective ways so they do not get in the way of what you are doing. When you become overly stressed, you might switch to an impulsive mode without realising, and rational behaviours and approaches will take a back seat.
The key here is to stay emotionally present, even in the face of uncomfortable emotions. Strengthening your “stress resistance” will help you to keep your impulsive feelings and actions under control as you continue to accomplish your goals.
This involves being attune to your emotions - allowing yourself to feel the effects of a particular situation or emotion, being aware of the thoughts it leads you to – and then learning what you need to learn from them.
Here are some exercises you can try:
- Take long, deep breaths in and out;
- Count to 10;
- Reframe your reality – this is about changing your perception of your current reality and trying to see a positive outcome;
- Set aside 15 minutes to do some problem-solving – assess your day and analyse other ways in which you could have approached certain situations;
- Regularly switch off from your phone and other digital devices.
Every emotion has a function. This is as true of the negative emotions as it is of the positive ones. Embrace your emotions – get involved and enthused about what you are doing – align your actions with your passions.
Empathy or social awareness
A large part of emotional intelligence is being able to think about and empathise with how other people are feeling. This involves putting yourself in another person’s shoes - considering how you would respond if you were in the same situation. It also involves understanding non-verbal signals, such as body language and facial expressions. People who have strong emotional intelligence are able to consider the perspectives, experiences, and emotions of other people and use this to explain why people behave the way that they do.
Empathy allows you to build social awareness and build connections with other people. Being socially aware allows you to interpret the cues others are revealing to you and using that to respond appropriately in social situations.
Relationship management
Emotional intelligence culminates in relationship management – putting all those learned skills together into fruitful and enjoyable relationships.
- Remember things – birthdays, anniversaries, personal achievements, struggles overcome – a little extra effort goes a long way;
- Find ways to show you care for the people in your life;
- Tackle tough conversations with mutual respect and gentleness.
By working on the skills needed to sharpen your emotional intelligence, you will realise that you can handle and tackle stressful and uncomfortable situations with more ease, while expanding your world view.
Signs of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence can be practiced in many ways in your daily life, such as:
- Awareness of your own personal strengths and limitations
- Self-confidence and self-acceptance
- Ability to accept and embrace change
- Strong sense of curiosity, especially about other people
- Feelings of empathy and concern for others
- Showing sensitivity to other people’s feelings
- Accepting responsibility for mistakes
- Ability to manage emotions in difficult situation
- Accepting criticism and responsibility
- Saying no when you need to
- Expressing your feelings in a kind, socially acceptable, way
- Solving problems in ways that work for everyone
- Listening to the verbal and non-verbal cues of others
- Knowing why you do the things you do
- Not being judgemental of others
- Forgiving and moving on from past experiences that no longer serve you
Tips for improving your emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is essential for interpersonal communication and contributes to fulfilling relationships – with yourself and others. It is all about how emotions can work for you, and not against you. As you develop the capacity to recognise and develop your own emotions, you will find it much easier to understand how others are feeling, too. So how can you improve your emotional intelligence?
Listen
Listen to what people are trying to tell you, both verbally and non-verbally. Pay attention to body language, as it can carry a great deal of meaning. When you sense that someone is feeling a certain way, consider different factors that might be contributing to this emotion.
Empathise
Picking up on other people’s emotions is crucial, but you also need to be able to put yourself in their shoes to truly understand their point of view. You can role play this with a friend or family member by imagining how you would feel in their situation. This can help you to build an emotional understanding of a particular situation as well as develop stronger emotional skills long-term.
Reflect
Part of what forms emotional intelligence is the ability to reason with emotions. Take into consideration how your own emotions influence your decisions and behaviours, then imagine the role emotions play in the lives of those around you. Ask yourself questions such as: Why is this person feeling this way? What might be contributing to these feelings? How are your emotions different to theirs? This type of probing will allow you to reflect on your own emotions and help you to understand how others think and act.
Start your online therapy journey
Our qualified psychotherapists can help you heighten your emotional intelligence skills by becoming more self-aware and analysing your own feelings and emotions. Connect with one of them online and start your online therapy journey.
Start now
